Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Penny for your Thoughts...

Okay, so as you know, Karma and I seem to be locked in a pissing match...Karma 3, Kris 0... or more likely Karma 5 or 6... but it would appear it's decided to make the entire household pay, not just me. And my oldest son, Kyle, was its first victim last night.

Now, I'm not one to shy away from chatting about my kids on my blog. Hell, if I never mentioned them, I'd have nothing to say. So here is yet another page in my life neatly written by my two sons.

After the whole 'cat' incident yesterday, needless to say I wan't the jolliest of people. I tend to brood over things and carry them around with me for a while. So, even last night, I was still moody and sad. But, I decided to do some work and try to put it behind me. As I'm working on my computer, my two boys come to the conclusion that now would be an excellent time to wrestle and basically roll around on the bed and floor with each other. 

I know... I hate when they do it because someone always ends up hurt... generally Jared because he's younger and well, prone to injury it seems... but anyone who has boys knows that getting them to stop requires biblical intervention. That being the case, I sometimes choose to ignore it... you'd be surprised what I can turn into white noise.

Anyway, I'm working on the computer when I hear my name... now remember they're wrestling behind me, but being the great mother that I am, I'm not paying any attention...I turn around to see my youngest doing a Homer Simpson version of the Heimlich Maneuver on my oldest. Jared is yelling something about a penny right before Kyle holds up his hand and says...

"Stop! Stop! I can breathe!"

At this point I'm not sure whether to be scared or laugh... Kyle's drooling on the floor and Jared still has his arms around Kyle's waist. I go over and all is well. Kyle admits he just swallowed a penny, but it's gone down so he's fine. We hang for a bit to make sure it is, indeed, down the old pipe then I look at the boys with my WTF face.

I don't get a completely straight answer, but it boils down to something in the way off...Jared thought stuffing a coin in his brother's mouth would be funny while they wrestle and Kyle thought biting on it would rival that in humour... all until he swallowed it by mistake because he laughed. I'm still not sure how it all worked out, but... the bottom line is Kyle is now officially worth one cent!

Of course, now the comments start flying. Just this morning as he walked by I said, "Penny for your thoughts." And of course I told him he now has proof that he's not 'worthless'. 

I don't think he finds it that amusing, but I'm thinking... this is great blackmail material or stuff to bring up with future girlfriends... maybe I'll get said penny framed once it makes its reappearance, lol... of course Kyle is mortified he has to keep an eye out for it...and can I just say none of the references on Google involved kids older than about 5, so...when a nearly fifteen year old swallows something, it's just weird...Kyle, on the other hand, is just thankful it wasn't a quarter.

So it would appear that Karma has Kyle's name as well... I say bring it on...we're ready.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

What Did I Ever do to you, Karma?

Okay, so I haven't blogged in forever.. yeah, I know...I totally suck at this, least I'm honest.

So, you may wonder what has prompted me to toss caution aside and take to the computer today...well, it seems that at some point in the past, oh, I don't know... several lifetimes... I've obviously pissed Karma off to the point it now openly mocks me at any given moment. Seriously, I've had nothing but bad luck for some time now... and apparently it's not getting any better.

Now I could go into details of my past experiences, how other parts of my life have fallen into the abyss, but I'm going to centre on what has become the bane of my vehicle. Yes, you heard me, my vehicle.

Okay, without going into debates over my age, let's just say I've been driving since I was sixteen and honestly haven't really had any issues, other than the odd speeding ticket. Then, the Karma began.

It started last year when a herd... yes and I mean a freaking herd, like ten... of deer decided to cross the road at five freaking thirty in the morning on my way to the ice rink so my boy could ref a hockey game. Well, let's just say deer, ice and darkness don't mix. My car was out of commission for a month. 

This marked the end of that vehicle. It was cursed.. yes, this was the last straw in a number of mishaps on that SUV, and while none of the others had been my doing, I just had a feeling I needed to get rid of it before something seriously bad happened. My dog had eaten the seat belts...three times... the thing had been recalled a number of times and my ex had ripped off the back spoiler when he drove into the garage door...but I digress.

Enter a new vehicle... okay I bought it used, but it's an awesome truck and much more to my liking. I love this truck, even if it does suck at gas mileage. However, shortly after I got it someone hit me in the shopping mall... I came out to a lovely big dent in my front bumper but no note, no message, just a lot of damage. Because it's such a nice truck, I decided to get it fixed... and as it was a hit and run, it was only my deductible. But it seemed as if Karma had indeed followed me to my new vehicle.

Well, it seems as if Karma isn't done with me. Today, while driving my oldest son to school, (yes, the same kid who was in the car when the deer tried an en mass suicide) a cat (a twenty pound cat the size of a small dog) darted out from behind another car and ran in front of my truck. To say there was no time to stop is an understatement. I didn't even have enough time to see what it was before it was too late. Needless to say, I spent the next half an hour bawling my eyes out as I took the poor thing to the vet. Unfortunately, it was too late.

And to top it off, the hit managed to rip off the bottom part of my bumper... yes the same bumper I had replaced... so I'm back to the shop for another repair to the truck. Only this time, it's a sad reminder of the issues of allowing our pets to roam free near busy highways. I'm completely devastated...I can't begin to say how bad I feel about it...but I remind myself this is the reason my cats stay inside...and why I keep my dog on a leash. I only wish the outcome could have been different. I don't really care about the truck, but I can't replace their pet...

So enough already, Karma. I think you've proved you're the one in control here... I bow to your almighty  reign. Now please bugger off and bother someone else...if you need a list, believe me I can set you up.